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The smart desire to be stupid.

**Special note: I also published this in a blog my friends and I try to contribute to, which is called readmyshit.tumblr.com.

The thought has crossed my mind countless times. Do we really ever want what we have? Do we ever really learn to appreciate those things that are given to us? I do my best to do so, but don’t always succeed.

Many times I am given opportunities which I feel are far beyond anything I could ever ask for. Opportunities of a lifetime. I write to you from a situation in which I desired I knew less.

When I was in highschool, I travelled to very poor and underdeveloped areas where the poor struggled to survive. I worked in a farm which fed five different families, and which basically maintained these people for the entire year. We built them a self-sustainable pond in which they would be able to fish during the winter, and I felt that as a kid, I was making a difference.

Now, I look back, and desire not to help them again, but rather, to be them. My desire to forget some …

Death.

Death is really a subject that I like because of its positive aspects. About 2 months ago, I encountered a news which unsettled me. Someone which I had known personally, had passed away.

This was very rough for me to hear because I had known the guy personally and it was one of the first times someone who I legitimately had met had just... died. Eventually I managed to move forward on the event, but it was really tough.

Every now and then I do think about people and why they suicide. The statistics are pretty ridiculous, it's about 1 million people a year. It really shocked me but it made me realize one thing:

Humans are extremely sensitive. We are all a filled glass not wanting to be spilled. The beauty of ourselves is that we can feel. We can understand others and that is what makes us beautiful.

However, it is that which leads to suicide as well. Some people simply believe that they will not be missed, that they will not have some grieving for them when they leave.

I don't con…

A broken postcard...

It was then I realized I had lost a friend. It was then I realized that she had moved on. It was then I realized that all those times that I was there for her were in vain,
She no longer cared because I hurt her once but loved her a million times.
Here lies a broken postcard I will not get.

...

But I'll still check my mail, with hope that life will change.

sigo aqui tirando lirica sin consolacion...

It took 10 pins for me to see you,
and a strike for me to like you.

All it took was a perfectly flowing ball,
down a straight path,

A beautiful sight,
as 10 pins fall to the grace,
of your beautiful smile.

And yet so quickly,
Who would have known,
that when I threw 76,
I would lose it all.

76 words is all it took,

I might as well quit now.
I fucked up.

I'm supposed to be the one
who never blows his composure
Even though I hold the weight of my friends
on my shoulders

I ain't never supposed to show it,
my friends ain't supposed to know it
Even if it means goin' toe to toe
with a crack on Earth it don't matter

I use to be the strong one,
The loyal and the good one,
but when it came to the loyalty of two,
I was split between the same,

Inevitably I hurt one more than the other,
I took a step in the wrong direction,
I took a shot to the chest outta my own weapon,

I broke my own heart by fulfilling the same one,
and now i'm lying here with nothing to say,
and nothing to feel.

I use to think it …

no lo hagas dos veces...

I know it was spiteful which is why I kept it to my blog. I was mad because you two had grown apart, and I was the only crack on Earth. I was mad because you seemed to want what you once had, back, but I knew it was too late. I was mad I was mad because all that relationships had done to my friends was lead them astray.

Don't make me choose between my friends because I'll turn my face and cross the road blind sided. You can say that all you read is the truth in that one post and that I'm an ass and that I chose my side when I wrote those words in the anger of standing in the battlefield trying to wave a small white flag, knowing that peace was nowhere to be found. You can close your eyes and forget all the times I sat there and talked to you. You can say that all my thoughts were lies, but let my words die in peace. I had no intention to hurt you or him. All my intentions were to sow a broken thread in my blanket of friends. Blame it on me, for trying to stick in there, whe…

My version.

I hate the way you bitch at him. And the way you told him no. I hate it that you moved on. I hate it that you walked away. I hate it that you said you loved him. I hate it that you thought you were always right. But mostly, I hate the way that you said goodbye, and then hello, expecting life to have stood on by, just for you to live your life.

I appreciate you.

I want to let you know that there are things out there, which will make you feel like shit. There are things which will bring you down, and people who will make you feel like who you are and what you do is worthless. You may work all night and all day, and people may not care. You may struggle and go through life's difficulties and truly not be appreciated.

I am here to tell you that I appreciate what you do. I don't care what it is, I only care that you are true to your heart and your passion. If it is painting, dancing, or singing, I really don't care, as long as you stick to it, and follow it with all your heart.

Don't let anybody stop you from being who you are, because when you are true to yourself, your life will be filled with joy.

So smile now, because the best way to change your life, is to start acting.

Always keep in mind, that people do appreciate what you do. And without you, people would miss you.

I appreciate you.
qk.

Closure

Don't ever let anything bring you down. After a good night's sleep, and somewhat of a very rough day yesterday, my heart held up strong. Feel the pain because it is worth it. Feel the pain because it gives your life and your emotions validity. Perhaps this is hard to express, but what I am trying to get across is the point that the feeling of pain and hardships in our life come solely from the feeling of beauty and greatness. I have heard tears by the thousand, I have heard the suffering of close ones, and felt their pain. But upon such feelings, I have come to realize that even then, I have found beauty. The end is never beautiful, the end is never appreciated, some try to run from it, others do all they can to avoid it, others look for it, but regardless, the end is necessary. Closure has come. And that is what we need.

Change - for the good.

I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be alright,
I wish I could change the world,
I wish I could wipe your tears,

But that changes nothing.
Life is fragile, and imperfect,
And a single fragment of a second
Can make the world stop spinning.

I wish I could close my eyes,
and comfort you,
I wish so many things,
But then I stop, and a touch of calamity fills my heart.

You are you.
I need no change,
I need no wishes,
I need nothing.

You are strong as you are wise,
What many may not see in you,
I have felt in you.

Many a time,
Psychology is nothing more,
Than an ongoing joke,
'As if emotions were a science.'

But in truth, I tell you,
Emotions are the hardest science.
The most difficult of them all,
The realm of the unknown.

And your warm heart,
Takes it smoothly.
As mine shatters,
You tell me what matters.

Everything is not going to be ok.
Life is going to change.
But you can close your eyes,
And make it right.

Make it right for the young ones,
Make it right in your heart,
Let it all out,
For once, set …

let's take it one step at a time.

Death is an interesting thing. A slap in the face, a clock ticks, and there you go. I don't know to get this off me, I really don't know what to say. Simple wavelengths communicate that it's over somebody, that tomorrow, you'll never see them again. And just like that, life ends. I can't... no se que decirte, ni que escribir. Estas cosas te pegan de una forma que no te puedo describir. Escuchar tus lagrimas las ponen en mis ojos, I look for the brightness in everything, but now, everything seems dark.

You want me to walk outside, and continue my life, you want me to keep going, but I really don't know how.

Saying that things happen for a reason is truly a simple way of feeling at ease, but when that reason is far beyond me, and when the science in me tries to understand what goes on, it falls into puzzlement, far beyond anything in the realm of my understanding.

It happens, I know, but the science of emotion is one we do not quantify. Sorry Psych, you can't w…

Can we stop, for just a minute?

I stroll back from the unknown,
where the heart is at ease,
as a plane drifts on into oblivion,
It's a sunny day.

Sneeze after sneeze,
I can't control myself,
Sometimes, words just feel right,
And I can't help but writing them.

I want to drift away,
Close my eyes,
and see worries dissolve,
I need this to stop.

Just for one minute,
That gorgeous minute of calamity,
That minute where birds fly,
and the wind blows your mind away.

It's a difficult thing to see,
And then it's all blurred in beauty,
I can't help but tell you,
love does it all.

I wish life could be like this forever,
like the first time you felt it,
like the first time your heart just knew,
that it had made it.

That after years of travels,
and pretty pictures,
it had found that feeling,
the feeling that we always wished for.

If I could freeze time,
I'd do it now.
And just take a picture,
to hold this time in memory,

as a memory,
that life was beautiful.

I say it historically,
because we repeat history,
and so I say with confidenc…

Ahh.. la vida es preciosa..

Hay momentos en que te sientes fabuloso porque la gente reconoce lo que haces, porque el trabajo voluntario te trae sonrisas, el trabajo que a uno no se le exije se le agradece, y es por eso que muchas veces, camino sin destino, sonriendo, ya que la mas pequena apreciacion de lo que uno hace, me hace feliz.

qk.

dime que te paso...

Chucha sera posible... Yo me convenci en la vida que la people no cambia, que las bainas se quedan iwales y que aunque la mierda en el mundo cambia, y muchos detalles pequeños de las personas cambian, pero en un transcurso de dias, no se como decirte lo que siento.

I just don't understand. And maybe it's just me. Maybe i'm going crazy and I don't really have the time in my life for this but i have never seen a change so drastic, that i have felt the loss of a friendship. How is it this even happens.. I really don't know.

qk.

ai ai ai.. tirando lirica.

no se que decirte,
los sentimientos vuelven,
los del papelito en primaria,
contando los minutos,
y pensando, sin saber que pensar,

me vuelven loco,
en un minuto quiero que estes enfrente,
no se explicarme,

pero es por eso mismo,
que me vuelvo loco.

aqui tiro lirica sin equacion,
sin orden ni importancia,
mi mente tira palabras,
porque confundida esta.

pero alli veremos,
adonde nos lleva la vida.

y adonde queda el amor,
en este mundo confuso.

No se que decir...

Sometimes, I want to travel to the Maldives and live there for the rest of my life on a random island. Giving everything up for survival comes out of a pure necessity for difference and discovery. I love change. But, I think its superficial.

There's a deeper self which attaches to something so much greater. This deeper self sees one thing which I am absolutely fascinated with. I like change, but there's one thing which is greater. And that is when my heart falls for one place. I will always be tied down to my country, and to my nation, a Panama, le debo la vida. And its places like these that are hard to find, and hard to identify with. es demasiado dificil en realidad encontrarse con algo con lo que puedas conectarte con, con algo que nunca olvidaras, porque para eso, hay que abrir el corazon con todo lo que tienes.

peace.
qk.

a random quote i wrote.. =].

i can live every day thinking about tomorrow, but at the end of the day, all I realize, is that I forgot to live today. So then I close my eyes, and say never again, because I know that if I keep living today, tomorrow will be an even better day.

qk.

What have I done with my life?

I stepped into a puddle,
My shirt got stained,
I had unprotected sex,
Fuck, what have I done with my life?

I can pinpoint
Every mistake,
And every wrong step,
But then I would have to stop walking.

For 1 out of 300 steps,
I got mad.
The one wrong way I went,
Was greater than the other
299.

Don't punish yourself,
For stepping in the puddle,

Don't punish yourself,
For your mistakes,

And don't punish yourself,
For that one wrong path.

Because you are beautiful.

You can change the world.
At your very young age,
There is not an action,
That could hinder you.

Let nothing stop you,
and follow your heart,
Because a beautiful soul like you,
should lead into this world,

with a warm smile.
And nothing else.

You are great love,
don't let anyone change that.
Because hidden between you,
lies a warm heart,

That no one can take from you.

Te quiero =].
Daniel

Until then...

I really don't get it. I am confused and my mind is lost. The precious treasures of the sun, and those that come when I close my eyes, have long vanished. I am confused, and try not to cry. It is hard to imagine what moving on is like. We have stepped onto a completely new world. It may have taken me 365 sunrises to realize that life moves on. 365 times I must have said that the past was still holding strong. But on 366, you slowly begin to realize that it is time.

I long hold a policy to my heart, to never forget. I hold my friends and vow to keep them as friends, because I know that at a moment in time, I simply knew that what we had was real. I tell you with confidence and strength that no matter was it to occur, I will always keep my friends close to my heart, and every single one of them, has their own space. My heart is physically limited, but my love is endless. I can't bear the knowledge of moving on, when you have time to keep people in your life. But I must.

Slowly, t…

An Open Heart

I met you one night,
At a party where lady
kissed her boy,
and shared her love.

Love was in the air,
As it is in our hearts,
Every day,
and every where.

And sometimes I sit there,
thinking of life's mistakes,
Loving something,
Which I already let go...

Sometimes I fear
That I wont go back,
That my past will stay there,
and that you, will be gone forever.

But that is not true love.
Every second that I close my eyes,
I don't think, I feel.
My heart is in my mind,
And you are in my heart.

At the very moment of fear,
where we follow our heart,
and risk everything,
Something beautiful happens.

My love, you are following your heart,
You are opening yourself,
To life's most beautiful gift,
The gift of love.

Don't worry about falling,
because everyone does.

I can't tell you you won't get hurt,
I can't tell you things will work out,
But I can tell you one thing,
What you are doing is right,

You are letting yourself feel,
You are becoming vulnerable,
You are becoming beautiful,
because you are following…

=].

I can't explain how beautiful life is. A moment in time just changes everything. You stop, and realize, a degree is important, and college is necessary, but the things that will truly make you happy, are already out there.

I closed my eyes and realized that the friends I have around me make my life. Their beauties and greatness are what make me smile.

Thank you, for you have made me realize that happiness is not something we can at some point hope to achieve.

Happiness is you. You made me happy for just one night,
and for just one night, you changed my life.

te quiero preciosa,
qk.

I want to be with you.

Picture a time,
a moment in time,
miles away from now,
where everything that is,
just isn't...

Can you live with the knowledge,
that most things,
will break apart in the future,
and never re-connect?

The youth often say 'forever',
but seldom mean it.
Truly, it can only be,
until destiny sets us part.

We have our paths,
And our trails to walk,
But I challenge any who read this,
To stand on his own against the many,

I challenge you,
to keep every friend you get.

It can't be that hard can it?
It use to be that nothing was forever,
But lets prove that wrong,
Because I want to be with you,

I simply won't say forever,
Because all who do, never actually do,
and I actually want to be with you.

<3.
qk.

Thank you for being there.

Let it be known that someone cares.

There are people out there, who seldom a time realize, that there are those who care. I write this in appreciation of everyone who has, at any moment, cared for me. I can be grateful, and I can thank you all, but I hope this piece of writing does more justice than those two words, 'thank you', which people throw around, without meaning.

My heart pumps in agony,
I am frightened,
Until your sound waves,
calm my spirit.

You were there,
When I was scared,
You were there,
All along.

I won't forget,
That one time my phone,
rang many numbers,
and you were the only one,

Who dropped it all,
To open up,
and calm me down,
It was you who listened.

I was in pain,
But then it all went away.

I looked at life,
And smiled.

I can't pinpoint,
Who made me smile,
I can't make a decision,
On who changed it all,

Because the answer is not one, but all.
All my friends, have been there,
All my friends, have made a shady day, shine.
You are all what make the world go round.

You are al…

You are not the best because you don't want to be the best.

Recently, I sought after a challenge, I sought after something which would take hours of my time, for one reason. I wanted to be better. At first, all that came out of it was realizing that perhaps I wasn't better. I was discouraged. I was made belief that some people are just better at that. However, it was then I remembered this article I read, at Cube of M.

http://blog.cubeofm.com/your-high-iq-will-kill-your-startup

It really isn't about how smart you are anymore. I remembered that one line...
"The only way to be successful then would be to gain a slight advantage over them - I had to work and train harder than they did, I had to get to know more people than they did, I had to learn more about more things that they did."

You are better. You can become greater. It's all about how hard you try, and how much you really want it. Because sometimes, you may think you do, but deep inside, you have already pre-set your mindset to believe you can't do it, that you can&…

Let it be unconditional.

Pocas personas ponen ideas en mi cabeza como lo hiciste el martes :). You bluntly said, "I need to stop fucking caring so much".

Back in 1933, Max Planck stated the following, "Let us get down to bedrock facts. The beginning of every act of knowing, and therefore the starting point of every science, must be our own personal experiences. I am using the word, experience, here in its technical philosophical connotation, namely, our direct sensory perception of ... things. These are the immediate data of the act of knowing. "

Now you're probably thinking, where the hell do these things even connect? You must be crazy. Haha, listen carefully dear...

The dependence on the heart is inevitable. I say it honestly, because sometimes, when I'm sitting in my room, and its 1:00am, I look back a few years, when we were all together, and wonder, what happened? How can something so beautiful just vanish? How is it that I care so much, and others don't? Where is the love?…

my blitz =).

It's hard to say,
Why I couldn't go to bed today,
I called a friend,
And tears led her away.

I got no answer,
Just a small message,
Which told me,
Her watered eyes, could not speak.

In times where I feel
like everything went wrong,
In times when I dont know,
where to go, or what to do,

I close my eyes, and wonder,
Where can I press rewind,
or fast forward,
Why cant I just move on,

But then I remember,
What a wise friend once told me,

For every tear,
There is joy,

For every tear,
You should smile,

For every tear,
Our heart has felt something,

And in the very core,
of our pumping chest,
lies something beautiful,
which few have seen.

I ask you to smile my blitz,
Smile because the only way
for one to cry,
is with feeling.

You have felt something,
deep inside, and in your heart,
and it is the very essence of feeling,
that makes us beautiful.

It is feeling itself,
that made me write this,

Because it hurts
to see a blossomed rose,
in the rain,

Because it hurts
to see my lovely friend,
in pain,

Because it hurts
to know that som…

Thank you =)

Every so often, I still go on my blog, and write a poem. It reminds me of the great times we had, whether it was online, or at your house, or at some party, and it makes me smile. So here I go, my first poem of 2010, I dedicate to you two =).

I looked into the history books,
and there lay the story,
of my sleeping beauty, and little miss sunshine,
in the world's greatest country.

They ventured into the unknown,
a few years ago,
and grew fond of the beauty,
the place had to offer.

I still remember looking up,
at the bowling score screen,
Struggling to figure out,
is that Alex? Or is it Ashley?

Who would of known,
my sleeping beauty,
snored just a little bit,

Who would of known,
my little miss sunshine,
was a straight up clutz,

In good fun,
Something beautiful had come,
I had two best friends,
Who I loved, quite a ton.

And it went by, all so fast,
in only a few months,
I hugged my wingman luigi goodbye,
But I promised myself,

No matter what happens,
Where we went,
in our separate paths,
I would never forget.

I wo…

Psychologists know how to fall in love.

Some things just fascinate me. My social psychology professor has repeatedly informed us of something which is, well, tremendously powerful. You know much less than you think you do about yourself. Who you are, what you do, and why you do the things you do, you have no idea. I walked into the class with just basic psychology knowledge, taking IB Psych HL in high school. I had no other class to teach me, but the interest for understanding why people behave had always been inside me. I still have talks with a close friend of mine, who thinks very similarly to me. To be flat out honest, the reason social psychology has fascinated me before was because of relationships, friendships, or, in short, women. How they behave, why they do certain things, when they are flirting, when they are not, what they like, and the usual. Given that there are 3 billion women out there, it is very good to learn by trial and error. Every person you meet you will, at least unconsciously, wonder why she does wh…