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Death.

Death is really a subject that I like because of its positive aspects. About 2 months ago, I encountered a news which unsettled me. Someone which I had known personally, had passed away.

This was very rough for me to hear because I had known the guy personally and it was one of the first times someone who I legitimately had met had just... died. Eventually I managed to move forward on the event, but it was really tough.

Every now and then I do think about people and why they suicide. The statistics are pretty ridiculous, it's about 1 million people a year. It really shocked me but it made me realize one thing:

Humans are extremely sensitive. We are all a filled glass not wanting to be spilled. The beauty of ourselves is that we can feel. We can understand others and that is what makes us beautiful.

However, it is that which leads to suicide as well. Some people simply believe that they will not be missed, that they will not have some grieving for them when they leave.

I don't consider myself in that ballpark however (the ballpark of thinking about suicide in terms of those around you). I was always a very independent kid, and sadly this lead to a relationship with my parents which was somewhat distant. It is both of our faults that they were always at work and that I never really tried because "I was busy". The way I think of life and death is more of in terms of being able to experience things. I tend to weigh my options in terms of what I am doing with my life. This is why I was always inclined to skydive, bungee jump, and do activities which I believe I may be less inclined to do when I have more people that need me (children). I like to seek opportunities that I may at some point in the future not have.

That stated, I do risky things now because if I die, I won't have children and a family which is left to their own resort to figure things out. I'd be devastated to do that to my future children. Further, I don't commit suicide because I know that death is coming after life. Death is an opportunity which I know I am going to have, I think it is not in my best interest to rush to that opportunity because I don't know what kind of opportunities I may be unable to do once I am dead (I really don't think past the moment of my last breathe, so I haven't really sat down to think about what I think about is going to happen after I die).

People who commit suicide are making the choice to do death, and cutting their chance to do the entirety of life first. I want to live my life until I am no longer alive, whether that means I'll die tomorrow or in 50 years I don't really care, but I'm pretty set on my mindset that I'll always choose to live, because there will always be something you can do before you die. I can assure you of that.

The hardest thing is finding that something, and understanding that no matter what you choose, it is a better choice than eliminating the chance of having a choice. Even after continuously choosing the wrong path, the ability to live is still more valuable than that of death, because the true beauty of who we are as a species lies not in the consequence of our actions, but in the fact that we can make choices that are unique to ourselves as individuals, it is the beauty of the self that keeps me alive.

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Learning to float

First my apologies.
Perhaps I gave y'all the idea that
it was all spit without the gears
We aint about that shit

Words can leave you salivating
But sweat builds the fucking mountains
So don't ever forget that in a heartbeat
I could carry your dreams and forget I even did

You're swimming in it, but you can't even float
The irony of words is that they hold the strength of plans
Without the gunshot
You'll never be grand.

We can all aim high but precision does the talking
It's all too simple these days
With the chatter and spread of information
We're suddenly heroes and activists

But we haven't even blinked, the AC,
It's still running. It's near silence
but its not. The inaction,
It's deafening.

Heck I've gone mute,
I can't even rhyme shit
that could emphasize the prolonged
dream of a typeface, the letters were blank.

It was always that way,
It was always silent because at some point
We stop pinching ourselves and assume
that it was deserved…

Click

"Click".

It switched.
Unequivocally different.
Through those hardships
We finally turned around.

Perhaps reflections and glimmers
Gave us sight when we could not claim
But the panoramic put the shimmer
To shame.

Thank you.
In this brilliance we rose
Hoping to understand why the routine
drifts away in prose

For every detail and every insight
The neurons kept firing in question,
Let us speak for it is time
To mark this audacity in rhyme.

Although subtle
The cues went noticed
The portrait tact
And yet somehow,
Obtruded.

But lets digress from these colors
Let the light paint our shadow
For the steps keep calling
with a subtle vibration

We know its time.

Let me get hurt.

Let me sit here,
Let me feel the drops,
As my heart shatters,
and your shadow drifts away.

Let us get confounded,
Let us mix emotions,
Pour them all into a melting pot,
Pour them all into a blurry past.

I want to look back,
and know that I have felt,
I want to look back and know,
That I have loved.

Because from the pain,
and from the tears,
and from the painful nights,
that I shivered through,

There were the nights,
that you held my hand,
and gave me warmth,

There were the nights,
where it was only us awake,
in the whole wide world,
It was only us who felt love.
Let me believe that it was all true,

Let my tears be for the moments that I miss,
and not for the moments that I did not live.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have lived.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have loved.