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Death.

Death is really a subject that I like because of its positive aspects. About 2 months ago, I encountered a news which unsettled me. Someone which I had known personally, had passed away.

This was very rough for me to hear because I had known the guy personally and it was one of the first times someone who I legitimately had met had just... died. Eventually I managed to move forward on the event, but it was really tough.

Every now and then I do think about people and why they suicide. The statistics are pretty ridiculous, it's about 1 million people a year. It really shocked me but it made me realize one thing:

Humans are extremely sensitive. We are all a filled glass not wanting to be spilled. The beauty of ourselves is that we can feel. We can understand others and that is what makes us beautiful.

However, it is that which leads to suicide as well. Some people simply believe that they will not be missed, that they will not have some grieving for them when they leave.

I don't consider myself in that ballpark however (the ballpark of thinking about suicide in terms of those around you). I was always a very independent kid, and sadly this lead to a relationship with my parents which was somewhat distant. It is both of our faults that they were always at work and that I never really tried because "I was busy". The way I think of life and death is more of in terms of being able to experience things. I tend to weigh my options in terms of what I am doing with my life. This is why I was always inclined to skydive, bungee jump, and do activities which I believe I may be less inclined to do when I have more people that need me (children). I like to seek opportunities that I may at some point in the future not have.

That stated, I do risky things now because if I die, I won't have children and a family which is left to their own resort to figure things out. I'd be devastated to do that to my future children. Further, I don't commit suicide because I know that death is coming after life. Death is an opportunity which I know I am going to have, I think it is not in my best interest to rush to that opportunity because I don't know what kind of opportunities I may be unable to do once I am dead (I really don't think past the moment of my last breathe, so I haven't really sat down to think about what I think about is going to happen after I die).

People who commit suicide are making the choice to do death, and cutting their chance to do the entirety of life first. I want to live my life until I am no longer alive, whether that means I'll die tomorrow or in 50 years I don't really care, but I'm pretty set on my mindset that I'll always choose to live, because there will always be something you can do before you die. I can assure you of that.

The hardest thing is finding that something, and understanding that no matter what you choose, it is a better choice than eliminating the chance of having a choice. Even after continuously choosing the wrong path, the ability to live is still more valuable than that of death, because the true beauty of who we are as a species lies not in the consequence of our actions, but in the fact that we can make choices that are unique to ourselves as individuals, it is the beauty of the self that keeps me alive.

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