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Free yourself.

I've been meaning to write this post for some time now. I don't know what's on my mind, but lines of code and work are definitely part of it. I think that it scares me to know I have so many things to do every day, and that somehow, all of them get done. It's a pretty crazy thing. Today my calendar updated me and it said, 'Have Dinner', and I knew I had reached a point where every minute of my life had been scheduled. However, I am really proud of what I do. I'd like to write it all out so I never forget of all the things I actually have to do.

In fact, writing this article makes me want to do some work that I am missing. But frankly, screw it. Put work off and do whatever you want, because not sometimes, but always, you have to enjoy life.

My mind is rather confused as to how it process things. I say this very carefully, because I am unsure of what is on my mind right now. How do you put yourself together? How do you wake up and greet people every morning without thinking, what the hell am I going to do in 15 years? Who am I going to marry, where will I live, what will I do? I knew that personally, it was a concern that I did not care about, because frankly, I live my life day by day enjoying every day.

And then a friend asked me, but what is your purpose? In pure honesty I would do things like most other people, for the admiration and respect of those around me. If no one really cared about what I was doing, I am uncertain that I would do it. I love computer science, I really do. But the reason I got into it was because ever since the 7th grade where my principal walked in and took me out of class because she had a computer problem, I've wanted to help people.

Computer is the medium through which I do it, and I am proud to say that it's what makes me be so passionate about the things I do. Everybody deserves to change. Everybody deserves a second, third, and infinite number of opportunities.

Sometimes, the worries about the significance of your actions to your life can throw you off and scare you. Why am I a waitress? What's the point? But that's not the point. The point is not to see what one action or one step does to the whole of your life, but rather, to find the small steps which make you happy.

I'll give you an example, people want to be successful. People suffer through hundreds and hundreds of hours of work to graduate college to finally earn a few dollars so they can work and maintain their family, and be happy.

A: High School - Good Grades
B: College - Good Grades
C: Good Job
D: Have and maintain a family
E. Happiness.

So, let me go through A + B + C + D =? E.

Does it really? Did you in your wondering mind which walked into the path which millions do because you were one in the crowd thinking you were unique ever think for yourself? Did you in your useless calculus classes ever even think if the equation you were walking through was worth it? Who decided this path? It sure as hell wasn't you because college wasn't a choice for you, it was the only way. The other alternative was nothing, because you were nothing, nothing but a simple one in the millions who walk the same path.

Did you ever even consider your actions, and what you were doing? We're simple pawns to the game of society, white mice which run in the circle of life, never leaving their cage. You're being fed to be just another animal that runs around.

It doesn't have to be that way.

If you don't like the process, get out of it. If you are doing something you enjoy, and always seek, every minute of every day will be wonderful. Fight for your life, fight for your survival, but for sure as hell don't let others decide what your future is.

By no means am I criticizing the college process, but rather informing those who walk this path uneasy that there is an alternative.

If you are not satisfied, and not happy, and simply not ok with what you are doing, change it. There's no need for you to gruel through what your parents thought was the right choice. There's no need. Walk into this world naked, stripped of the views and thoughts of others, and you will be free.

Do as you wish, and not as others wish you did.


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Learning to float

First my apologies.
Perhaps I gave y'all the idea that
it was all spit without the gears
We aint about that shit

Words can leave you salivating
But sweat builds the fucking mountains
So don't ever forget that in a heartbeat
I could carry your dreams and forget I even did

You're swimming in it, but you can't even float
The irony of words is that they hold the strength of plans
Without the gunshot
You'll never be grand.

We can all aim high but precision does the talking
It's all too simple these days
With the chatter and spread of information
We're suddenly heroes and activists

But we haven't even blinked, the AC,
It's still running. It's near silence
but its not. The inaction,
It's deafening.

Heck I've gone mute,
I can't even rhyme shit
that could emphasize the prolonged
dream of a typeface, the letters were blank.

It was always that way,
It was always silent because at some point
We stop pinching ourselves and assume
that it was deserved…



It switched.
Unequivocally different.
Through those hardships
We finally turned around.

Perhaps reflections and glimmers
Gave us sight when we could not claim
But the panoramic put the shimmer
To shame.

Thank you.
In this brilliance we rose
Hoping to understand why the routine
drifts away in prose

For every detail and every insight
The neurons kept firing in question,
Let us speak for it is time
To mark this audacity in rhyme.

Although subtle
The cues went noticed
The portrait tact
And yet somehow,

But lets digress from these colors
Let the light paint our shadow
For the steps keep calling
with a subtle vibration

We know its time.

Let me get hurt.

Let me sit here,
Let me feel the drops,
As my heart shatters,
and your shadow drifts away.

Let us get confounded,
Let us mix emotions,
Pour them all into a melting pot,
Pour them all into a blurry past.

I want to look back,
and know that I have felt,
I want to look back and know,
That I have loved.

Because from the pain,
and from the tears,
and from the painful nights,
that I shivered through,

There were the nights,
that you held my hand,
and gave me warmth,

There were the nights,
where it was only us awake,
in the whole wide world,
It was only us who felt love.
Let me believe that it was all true,

Let my tears be for the moments that I miss,
and not for the moments that I did not live.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have lived.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have loved.