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Two weeks. It's been too much.

Not sure what got me this morning... For the last two weeks I have been showering with cold showers to the point where I was no longer scared. It was quite fine until this morning when I had pretty much had enough.

I think it was probably the fact that my life was too disorganized and too many things were happening that I needed to take a step back and organize some before I went ahead again.

I am doing daily workout routines focused on upper body (MWF) and general cardio with swimming (T/TH). The routines somewhat wore me out each day, and I think that's what is slowing me down in work. After spending my entire summer at Google where I had chosen a schedule that worked for me. I woke up really early, and went to work for a good 8 hours, ate well, and then went home to relax and maybe do some side work.

So, now that I am starting in the Fall, what is happening? I think its mostly that I am not taking enough classes for those to be a responsibility on their own. I finish all of the work that is required for my classes and I am left with a huge void that I call research. But research isn't something you crank out in a few hours. It is a long term process of human thinking and understanding. This made me realize that I allocating more time for research doesn't necessarily mean i'll have more time, but rather, that I can lead a more relaxed life and produce better research, instead of more.

I feel like when I am active and I have 30 meetings in one day without having to worry about my diet I would go on for however much I had to. However, now that I am on a diet, doing daily work outs, perhaps I am not rationing my food correctly.

I need to be much better about that. Right now I basically only eat chicken, and rarely touch vegetables. I have yogurt (which is cheating in paleo) with almonds every morning, alongside 3 boiled eggs, but to be quite honest with you, not having fruits or vegetables is probably what is making me extremely tired.

Therefore, I am changing things up to improve my eating habits. I was going to setup a more detailed weekly plan of what I eat, but I won't do that until I head out to the super market and actually find what kinds of things I can eat (I am looking for things I can buy in bulk that don't expire for a while, and are cheap). I am going to pack heavy on the canned fish which I think will be my way of making dinner, possibly another large pack of steamed vegetables, and lastly, look for a replacement for the yogurt I have every morning.

I will do my best to get back into the cold showers tomorrow, perhaps not as cold as I was, maybe creating a nice, smoother transition into it, James Bond style.



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Learning to float

First my apologies.
Perhaps I gave y'all the idea that
it was all spit without the gears
We aint about that shit

Words can leave you salivating
But sweat builds the fucking mountains
So don't ever forget that in a heartbeat
I could carry your dreams and forget I even did

You're swimming in it, but you can't even float
The irony of words is that they hold the strength of plans
Without the gunshot
You'll never be grand.

We can all aim high but precision does the talking
It's all too simple these days
With the chatter and spread of information
We're suddenly heroes and activists

But we haven't even blinked, the AC,
It's still running. It's near silence
but its not. The inaction,
It's deafening.

Heck I've gone mute,
I can't even rhyme shit
that could emphasize the prolonged
dream of a typeface, the letters were blank.

It was always that way,
It was always silent because at some point
We stop pinching ourselves and assume
that it was deserved…



It switched.
Unequivocally different.
Through those hardships
We finally turned around.

Perhaps reflections and glimmers
Gave us sight when we could not claim
But the panoramic put the shimmer
To shame.

Thank you.
In this brilliance we rose
Hoping to understand why the routine
drifts away in prose

For every detail and every insight
The neurons kept firing in question,
Let us speak for it is time
To mark this audacity in rhyme.

Although subtle
The cues went noticed
The portrait tact
And yet somehow,

But lets digress from these colors
Let the light paint our shadow
For the steps keep calling
with a subtle vibration

We know its time.

Let me get hurt.

Let me sit here,
Let me feel the drops,
As my heart shatters,
and your shadow drifts away.

Let us get confounded,
Let us mix emotions,
Pour them all into a melting pot,
Pour them all into a blurry past.

I want to look back,
and know that I have felt,
I want to look back and know,
That I have loved.

Because from the pain,
and from the tears,
and from the painful nights,
that I shivered through,

There were the nights,
that you held my hand,
and gave me warmth,

There were the nights,
where it was only us awake,
in the whole wide world,
It was only us who felt love.
Let me believe that it was all true,

Let my tears be for the moments that I miss,
and not for the moments that I did not live.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have lived.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have loved.