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This morning I set my alarm for 8:00am. I woke up at 10:00am. I was incredibly disappointed because I was trying to get six hours and then do my array of planned work in the morning, but instead, I ended not being able to do those things. Now, the reasons for this don't matter as much as the idea behind it.

Despite waking up late, I still got in the shower, and took a cold one. I don't mean I took a beer into the shower, I mean I deliberately turned my water to its cold setting, and showered while I shivered. The shivering was two weeks ago, now its more of a refreshing feel of coldness. It's been over two weeks since I started taking these, and if I had to pick my favorite example of my attempt to be more disciplined, this would be it.

Try it. Can you actually defeat the fear and doubt in yourself that you'd be capable of waking up every morning to cold water? Most of you probably couldn't. And that's because most of you are weak. You live in a little bubble and try to avoid every little possible thing that could make your bubble burst. Your incapability to grasp how much of this world you are missing out on is outstanding. You've been raised by parents who nurtured you and taught you how to stay safe in this world. You got every insurance and lived through every minute thinking, wow, I can't give this up. And with this imminent fear of losing your life, you forgot that you weren't living at all.

But I still thank you. You make my attempts at living seem impressive, albeit I still believe there is much I have yet to explore, and need to explore. I have an incessant need for living, and making sure that every ticking second is one that I take advantage of.

So, with that, i'll conclude that I am going to start going to bed early. I need to take advantage of my mornings. Staying awake past 6pm isn't nearly as difficult to me as waking up after only a few hours of sleep. However, once I have slept 7 hours and 30 minutes, I'll wake up no matter how tired I am. I've learned this about myself, and I plan on exploiting it.

For those of you who continue to live a safe life, stop. There is no time to be wasted on making sure that you'll be able to prevent things from going wrong. Living life this way is not living, its dying. At the end of the day, you don't want to sit back and tell your grandchildren how good you were at not taking risks. If anything, do it for them, they need to hear the story of you as a fucking super hero. Don't disappoint them.



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Learning to float

First my apologies.
Perhaps I gave y'all the idea that
it was all spit without the gears
We aint about that shit

Words can leave you salivating
But sweat builds the fucking mountains
So don't ever forget that in a heartbeat
I could carry your dreams and forget I even did

You're swimming in it, but you can't even float
The irony of words is that they hold the strength of plans
Without the gunshot
You'll never be grand.

We can all aim high but precision does the talking
It's all too simple these days
With the chatter and spread of information
We're suddenly heroes and activists

But we haven't even blinked, the AC,
It's still running. It's near silence
but its not. The inaction,
It's deafening.

Heck I've gone mute,
I can't even rhyme shit
that could emphasize the prolonged
dream of a typeface, the letters were blank.

It was always that way,
It was always silent because at some point
We stop pinching ourselves and assume
that it was deserved…



It switched.
Unequivocally different.
Through those hardships
We finally turned around.

Perhaps reflections and glimmers
Gave us sight when we could not claim
But the panoramic put the shimmer
To shame.

Thank you.
In this brilliance we rose
Hoping to understand why the routine
drifts away in prose

For every detail and every insight
The neurons kept firing in question,
Let us speak for it is time
To mark this audacity in rhyme.

Although subtle
The cues went noticed
The portrait tact
And yet somehow,

But lets digress from these colors
Let the light paint our shadow
For the steps keep calling
with a subtle vibration

We know its time.

Let me get hurt.

Let me sit here,
Let me feel the drops,
As my heart shatters,
and your shadow drifts away.

Let us get confounded,
Let us mix emotions,
Pour them all into a melting pot,
Pour them all into a blurry past.

I want to look back,
and know that I have felt,
I want to look back and know,
That I have loved.

Because from the pain,
and from the tears,
and from the painful nights,
that I shivered through,

There were the nights,
that you held my hand,
and gave me warmth,

There were the nights,
where it was only us awake,
in the whole wide world,
It was only us who felt love.
Let me believe that it was all true,

Let my tears be for the moments that I miss,
and not for the moments that I did not live.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have lived.

Let me get hurt, because only then,
will I have loved.