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In search for truth.

How do you tell your heart to stop being hopeful,
so you can move on, get some sleep, and convince
yourself that it just wasn't right when you knew it
was meant to be.

I feel frozen in time, begging for a better moment,
I compulsively want to write you stories and thoughts,
tell you everything that's going through my mind,
but I step back, a cordial greeting is all I've got.

The personality has been stripped away and all
we're stuck with is hello friend, or just goodbye.
With a dark smudge at its end, the very definition
of a period makes me cringe, this is final.

Our messages our counted, every one of them
gets closer to the last one, I'm losing the urge to
write, with hopes that when I tuck myself in, my
heart stops asking why.

My mind knows it well and has gone through it
thirty times just this morning. It knows that you felt
this was right. It knows that you are suffering just
as much, but that our hands can no longer touch.

At every vibration, I rush to see if perhaps the
cordial greeting is yours. I miss you at every step
I take, and everywhere I go I stop and think of
every little moment I could have changed.

But you're right, I don't regret any of the time
we spent, because we laughed and we smiled,
and even in tears we held each other, trying to
convince ourselves everything was going to be okay.

I know it is. I know that perhaps I'll run into you
when the dust has settled and we'll hug and we'll
talk, maybe even reconsider what are now
memories of a beautiful time.

Memories that I will always cherish,
Memories that I still hope come back,
but I've pushed away because I need
to cope with this goodbye.

I need to get my heart to understand that the tears
are for why I've always loved you. It needs to understand
that this loss is a long term gain despite the short term

It needs to understand what I know now is true.
You want to find yourself and what you love,
You want to explore and love who you are,
so that when you love someone else,

You'll know its true.


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