The brush of your steps.

Let me sit here, Let me feel the drops, As my heart shatters, and your shadow drifts away. Let us get confounded, Let us mix emotions, Pour them all into a melting pot, Pour them all into a blurry past. I want to look back, and know that I have felt, I want to look back and know, That I have loved. Because from the pain, and from the tears, and from the painful nights, that I shivered through, There were the nights, that you held my hand, and gave me warmth, There were the nights, where it was only us awake, in the whole wide world, It was only us who felt love. Let me believe that it was all true, Let my tears be for the moments that I miss, and not for the moments that I did not live. Let me get hurt, because only then, will I have lived. Let me get hurt, because only then, will I have loved.

I've been meaning to write this post for some time now. I don't know what's on my mind, but lines of code and work are definitely part of it. I think that it scares me to know I have so many things to do every day, and that somehow, all of them get done. It's a pretty crazy thing. Today my calendar updated me and it said, 'Have Dinner', and I knew I had reached a point where every minute of my life had been scheduled. However, I am really proud of what I do. I'd like to write it all out so I never forget of all the things I actually have to do. In fact, writing this article makes me want to do some work that I am missing. But frankly, screw it. Put work off and do whatever you want, because not sometimes, but always, you have to enjoy life. My mind is rather confused as to how it process things. I say this very carefully, because I am unsure of what is on my mind right now. How do you put yourself together? How do you wake up and greet people every morni...

**Special note: I also published this in a blog my friends and I try to contribute to, which is called readmyshit.tumblr.com. The thought has crossed my mind countless times. Do we really ever want what we have? Do we ever really learn to appreciate those things that are given to us? I do my best to do so, but don’t always succeed. Many times I am given opportunities which I feel are far beyond anything I could ever ask for. Opportunities of a lifetime. I write to you from a situation in which I desired I knew less. When I was in highschool, I travelled to very poor and underdeveloped areas where the poor struggled to survive. I worked in a farm which fed five different families, and which basically maintained these people for the entire year. We built them a self-sustainable pond in which they would be able to fish during the winter, and I felt that as a kid, I was making a difference. Now, I look back, and desire not to help them again, but rather, to be them. My desire to forget som...

Death is really a subject that I like because of its positive aspects. About 2 months ago, I encountered a news which unsettled me. Someone which I had known personally, had passed away. This was very rough for me to hear because I had known the guy personally and it was one of the first times someone who I legitimately had met had just... died. Eventually I managed to move forward on the event, but it was really tough. Every now and then I do think about people and why they suicide. The statistics are pretty ridiculous, it's about 1 million people a year. It really shocked me but it made me realize one thing: Humans are extremely sensitive. We are all a filled glass not wanting to be spilled. The beauty of ourselves is that we can feel. We can understand others and that is what makes us beautiful. However, it is that which leads to suicide as well. Some people simply believe that they will not be missed, that they will not have some grieving for them when they leave. I don't c...

It was then I realized I had lost a friend. It was then I realized that she had moved on. It was then I realized that all those times that I was there for her were in vain, She no longer cared because I hurt her once but loved her a million times. Here lies a broken postcard I will not get. ... But I'll still check my mail, with hope that life will change.

It took 10 pins for me to see you, and a strike for me to like you. All it took was a perfectly flowing ball, down a straight path, A beautiful sight, as 10 pins fall to the grace, of your beautiful smile. And yet so quickly, Who would have known, that when I threw 76, I would lose it all. 76 words is all it took, I might as well quit now. I fucked up. I'm supposed to be the one who never blows his composure Even though I hold the weight of my friends on my shoulders I ain't never supposed to show it, my friends ain't supposed to know it Even if it means goin' toe to toe with a crack on Earth it don't matter I use to be the strong one, The loyal and the good one, but when it came to the loyalty of two, I was split between the same, Inevitably I hurt one more than the other, I took a step in the wrong direction, I took a shot to the chest outta my own weapon, I broke my own heart by fulfilling the same one, and now i'm lying here with nothing to say, and nothing...

I know it was spiteful which is why I kept it to my blog. I was mad because you two had grown apart, and I was the only crack on Earth. I was mad because you seemed to want what you once had, back, but I knew it was too late. I was mad I was mad because all that relationships had done to my friends was lead them astray. Don't make me choose between my friends because I'll turn my face and cross the road blind sided. You can say that all you read is the truth in that one post and that I'm an ass and that I chose my side when I wrote those words in the anger of standing in the battlefield trying to wave a small white flag, knowing that peace was nowhere to be found. You can close your eyes and forget all the times I sat there and talked to you. You can say that all my thoughts were lies, but let my words die in peace. I had no intention to hurt you or him. All my intentions were to sow a broken thread in my blanket of friends. Blame it on me, for trying to stick in there, whe...